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Manners: Promoting Politeness in Preschoolers
by Dena Houser, Director

Preschool age is the perfect time to teach politeness and manners to children. The development of decorum will vary from child to child. Learning manners is easier for children when it is the common practice and part of the child’s daily routine in both the home and school settings.

When children are young, between the ages of 2 and 5, they are most receptive to learning in general because they want to please the adults in their lives. These are the perfect ages to teach children appropriate behavior, respect and rules of polite conduct.

BE A ROLE MODEL
Children are especially impressionable in the younger years; remember that “you” are their number–one role model! Children learn by watching their parents and caregivers, they pick up sayings, manners and behaviors. Children mimic behaviors whether they are positive or negative. The best way to make sure
your child is polite is to be so yourself!

CHILDREN ARE NOT BORN WITH MANNERS; THEY NEED TO BE TAUGHT
Start small and expand on rules, remember learning is gradual and little ones can be forgetful. Prioritize what you as the parent, think is important. Young children love to role-play, have your child act out proper responses to certain social situations. Bring in puppets or your child’s favorite characters to help model respect and politeness. Don’t expect it all to come together in a snap. Once the basics such as “please” and “thank you” are a regular part of the landscape, the rest will come more easily.

WHAT MANNERS ARE MY CHILD CAPABLE OF?
By 2 ½ years old, most children can use key phrases such “please,” and “thank you”.
By 3 years old, most children can properly greet family with a “hello”, wash up before and after meals, as well as sit respectfully during family meals.
By 4 years old, children can usually compose a thank you note or draw a picture to show gratitude after receiving a gift.
By 5 years old, children should be able to greet adults with eye contact and/or a hand shake. They can begin to learn simple phone etiquette and appropriate greetings.
Remember, these manners are taught by example and proper modeling at home.

REWARD POLITE MANNERS AND IGNOR NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR
Behavior that is reinforced with incentives will increase in frequency. When a child uses his or her manners appropriately, reward the child. A smile, saying, “great job!” or even a clap for a performance well done will go a long way. Parents who reward positive behavior will receive it from the child. Some children respond more quickly to physical or tangible rewards more than verbal praise. Try using high fives, hugs, thumbs up, and/or stickers.

One of the best ways of nipping poor manners in the bud is to ignore them. In some cases honing in on a negative behavior gives the child attention and/or power over the situation. In turn, the child may perceive this as a form of praise.

Be clear and consistent with praise and positive reinforcements. Children are capable of understanding more than we sometimes give them credit for, so make your intentions clear and your child will react accordingly. Soon the child will understand that proper behavior and polite manners is appreciated and rewarded.

FOSTER RESPECT IN THE HOME
Children deserve respect just as adults do. To help children learn; foster an environment of politeness and social grace. Home is a place where everyone should feel safe, accepted and cared for. Speak to each other with empathy and kindness and children will learn respect and manners. They will grow up to be more confident in life and they will thank you for teaching them a life long lesson!